To whom it may concern:
I don't know who gave you my email address but I wish that you would stop bothering me. Maybe I signed up for something I shouldn't have or visited the wrong web site, but enough is enough. Perhaps it is some computer program you have that generates email addresses and hit pay dirt with mine but I just don't care what you have to offer.
I'm sure that I could make tonnes of money by working from home by filling in forms, but there's no guarantee I'd get paid. I'm sure that I could get my nursing degree online through your bogus school, but let's face it, the only doctor who who hire me is the Doc from the Simpsons.
I am surprised at the number of you who want to loan me money. You've never met me. But when I borrow so much money and get so far into debt because of your astronomical interest rates, I'll just contact all the debt support people. They tell me that I can consolidate and that they'll also get the interest rate, that I was stupid to agree to, reduced.
While I would love to spend 2 nights on your Las Vegas hotel, I was wondering if you had a plan to get me there. I would like to eat while I'm there but perhaps I'll just try out the free samples of the diet drink someone is offering.
I understand that I must verify email address in order to qualify for a $500 credit for your airline, but there are a few things that concern me. How far will $500 get me and will I want to go to any place that you fly to. I want to thank you for being concerned about my welfare by not wanting me to be lonely. I'm sure that you get 1000 new singles on your website an hour, but I'm just not interested.
I was under the impression that "Ellen" was a popular show. If this is the case why you need to send random emails to give away tickets. Also see my above complaint about the free hotel room. I don't think that Oprah ever had a problem filling her studio audience, maybe she gives away better stuff.
I don't want your free computer that needs hundreds of dollars of extras to do more than play solitaire. I don't need to take Viagra and I don't have a "you know what" so it doesn't need to be enlarged.
However.....your offer to teach me about hypnosis does sound promising. DH would always agree with me (plus do laundry) and my kids would be perfect angels. Yes, Yes, Yes.....sign me up....I want to know....I want your product...I don't care what it costs.
An Internet Patsy
Sigh...you notice that no one want to offer me free school supplies.....why can't SPAM offer me something I need to spend money on????? DUH!!! Then it wouldn't be SPAM.
Until next time.
Yours in Yarn,